Lifestyle

ONE YEAR, MOM

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November 16th, 2017
One year as one day.
No sail on the horizon.

It frightens me the idea that one day it will be 5, 10, 20 years. A whole life without you.
It frightens me the idea that I can forget your voice, your expressions, the way you called me, how it was to live with you.
I’m scared to lose you, Mom.
To lose you inside.
Throughout this year I’ve lived as if you were just leaving home, on one of your trips.
As if every morning I woke up a second after you left, and every night felt asleep without being able to wait for you.
It was the most dreamy year of my life. It looks like yesterday and like never. It seems like a dream. That one where you there aren’t or those ones from night where you are in? I don’t distinguish perceptions, as if it were all real -or all unreal.
I’m lost. But I don’t want to lost you.
My love for you will not change, no matter how much time will pass. I’ll always love you the same way. This is a certainty.
I’ll continue to thank you for the life you gave me -the love, the experiences, the education, the culture- I’ll continue to be sure you are well and you are finally happy, I’ll continue to blame myself for this selfish lack that I feel. Sorry.
I always wanted happiness for you. But I could only help, not give it to you.
Now I should rejoice and that’s enough.

In my every prayers, from last year in the hospital, I always asked you to choose for yourself. What would been better for you. For once at least. Not to think about us. We would be fine and we love you.
Even through these tears, I’m proud of your choice. I, I would do the same.
Only once, in a dream, I allowed to give you a ticket while you leaving the front door knowing you wouldn’t be back: I wrote “Find an excuse to come back.” Find an excuse to stay with us.
I’m sorry.I know I’ve told you everything, all this. I have no regrets with you. I’ve always been very proud of you.
I hope to become exactly like you.
In every person who says Dasynka, I feel a part of you. It’s the way you called me, within these seven letters there is your immense love for me. I’ve always loved this name and I’ve been using it for years now. Today it is even more precious and unique.

Every my tattoo symbolizes a major change in my life. And a person.
You are in the stars of my destiny.
You have always said to feel this ancestral bond. And I often wonder when we will meet again. Will I be the mother and you the daughter?
I did it today: it’s your constellation, Scorpio. It has to do with destiny and the case that does not exist.
There are 16 stars like the year and the day. November the month, also of your birth: the first.

Don’t leave me, Mom.
Don’t leave me.
xx Dasynka


16 Novembre 2017
È un anno, Mami.
Un anno come un giorno. Nessuna vela all’orizzonte.

A me spaventa l’idea che un giorno saranno 5, 10, 20 anni. Una vita intera senza te.
A me spaventa l’idea che io possa dimenticare la tua voce, le tue espressioni, il modo in cui mi chiamavi, come fosse vivere con te.
A me spaventa perderti, mamma.
Perderti dentro.
Per tutto quest’anno ho vissuto come se tu fossi solo uscita di casa, in uno dei tuoi viaggi.
Come se ogni mattina mi fossi svegliata sempre un secondo dopo che tu fossi uscita, e ogni sera mi fossi addormentata senza riuscire ad aspettarti.
È stato l’anno più onirico della mia vita. Sembra ieri e sembra mai. Sembra un sogno. Quello in cui non ci sei o quelli notturni in cui ci sei? Io non distinguo le percezioni, come se fosse tutto reale -o tutto irreale.
Mi sono persa. Ma non voglio perdere te.
Il mio amore per te non muterà, non importa quanto tempo passerà. Ti amerò sempre allo stesso modo. Questa è una certezza.
Continuerò a ringraziarti per la vita che mi hai dato -l’amore, le esperienze, l’educazione, la cultura- continuerò ad essere certa che stai bene e sei finalmente felice, continuerò a rimproverarmi per questa egoistica mancanza che provo. Scusa
Ho sempre voluto solo la felicità per te. Ma potevo solo contribuire, non dartela.
Adesso dovrei gioirne e basta.

In ogni mia preghiera, dall’anno scorso in ospedale, io ti ho sempre chiesto di scegliere per te. Quello che fosse stato meglio per te. Per una volta almeno. Di non pensare a noi. Noi saremmo stati bene e ti amiamo.
Anche attraverso queste lacrime, sono fiera della tua scelta. Io, avrei fatto lo stesso.
Solo una volta, in un sogno, mi sono permessa di darti un biglietto mentre uscivi dalla porta di casa sapendo non saresti tornata: avevo scritto su “Trova una scusa per tornare”. Trova una scusa per restare con noi.
Scusami.

So di averti sempre detto tutto, tutto questo. Non ho rimpianti con te. Sono sempre stata assolutamente orgogliosa di te.
Spero di diventare esattamente come te.
In ogni persona che pronuncia Dasynka, sento una parte di te. È il modo in cui mi chiamavi tu, dentro queste sette lettere c’è il tuo amore immenso verso di me. Ho sempre amato questo nome e lo uso da anni ormai. Oggi è ancora più prezioso, e unico.

Ogni mio tatuaggio simboleggia un cambiamento importante della mia vita. E una persona.
Tu sei nelle stelle del mio destino.
Hai sempre detto di sentire questo legame ancestrale. E mi domando spesso quando ci ritroveremo. Sarò madre io e figlia tu?
L’ho fatto oggi: è la tua costellazione, Scorpione. Ha a che fare con il destino e il caso che non esiste.
Sono 16 stelle come l’anno e il giorno. Novembre il mese, anche di nascita: primo.

Non lasciarmi, Mami.
Non lasciarmi.
xx Dasynka

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80 Comments

  • Reply
    Barbiegirl06
    2 December 2017 at 11:02

    I’m so sad to hear everything that has happen to you. I hope you’re doing better now.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      2 December 2017 at 11:05

      Thank you so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Luca Catanoso
    28 November 2017 at 20:14

    E’ davvero molto toccante questo testo. Si vede che viene dal profondo del tuo cuore. Quello che posso dirti è di stare tranquilla perchè tua mamma sta bene adesso perchè è in cielo insieme agli angeli. E’ felice e l’ unica cosa che la preoccupa è vederti soffrire per lei. Tu vuoi bene a tua mamma e vuoi che sia felice vero ? Bene. Allora si felice perchè almeno anche lei lo è.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      29 November 2017 at 21:55

      Grazie ❤ xx

  • Reply
    Mercy
    27 November 2017 at 1:38

    This post gives me misty eyes. Your words are strong, touching and powerful. As a mother myself, I know there is no stronger tie than that of a mother and child relationship. This is so sweet, I love it!

    • Reply
      dasynka
      27 November 2017 at 8:46

      Thank you so so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Esther
    26 November 2017 at 19:05

    So beautiful words. I am really touched.
    Enjoy each and every moment.

    Love, Esther

    • Reply
      dasynka
      27 November 2017 at 8:46

      Always❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Emily
    26 November 2017 at 11:54

    This has left me with serious goosebumps. What beautiful words, straight from the heart. I’ve no doubt your mother would be so proud of you.

    Musings & More

    • Reply
      dasynka
      27 November 2017 at 8:45

      Can’t explain you how much I thank you❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Pallavi
    26 November 2017 at 8:09

    Daysnka, this is beautifully written. I’m sure your mom is looking over you and loves you just the same. You’re never alone ❤️

    • Reply
      dasynka
      27 November 2017 at 8:44

      Thank you so so much for your kindness❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Ashon
    25 November 2017 at 21:34

    This post is very touching and very much related to me as well, and literally brought tears to me. My mother passed away 7 years ago and I;m still not over it, I mean although our moms are not here anymore they are still very close to our hearts and their love and voice will remain to us forever. I’m very you are making her very proud. Let’s stay strong and make them proud.

    My best regards and love
    Ashon

    • Reply
      dasynka
      27 November 2017 at 8:43

      You can understand me -and I you- more then anybody else. I know -and feel- her love so much, it as she was here. But sometimes I miss a hug, or her voice. And I know for you it’s the same. I can’t image how it would be in 7 years, or more. I hope this feeling and her memories will not be more fleeting.
      Thank you so much for your time, your words. Wish you so much love❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Nancy
    25 November 2017 at 7:32

    This letter is very touching, Dasynka. Even though your mother is no longer here, her spirit is still very well alive. Hope you will continue to stay strong and continue to be yourself :).

    • Reply
      dasynka
      25 November 2017 at 19:41

      As always, thank you from heart❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Missy May
    24 November 2017 at 23:09

    Sending you much love beautiful lady. She’s proud of you for sure. Keep going!

    • Reply
      dasynka
      25 November 2017 at 19:40

      Thank you so so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Giada
    24 November 2017 at 0:35

    Mi dispiace così tanto, non oso nemmeno immaginare quello che provi..un abbraccio ❤️

    • Reply
      dasynka
      24 November 2017 at 11:55

      Grazie❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Sarah
    23 November 2017 at 23:59

    Giuro che a leggerti mi hai lasciata senza parole….e con una pelle d’oca incredibile! Ho percepito la tua emozione e i sentimenti nelle tue parole!

    • Reply
      dasynka
      24 November 2017 at 11:55

      Ti ringrazio molto per esserti fermata a leggermi e percepirmi❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Lorna
    23 November 2017 at 16:57

    This actually brought a tear to my eye because the words are so honest and true. It does feel like that when you lose a loved one. It feels like you just haven’t seen them and they’re on holiday, it feels like it was a few weeks ago you last saw them, but at the same time when you think about it, it’s hollow. She wont ever leave you. She’s with you always and the best thing about memories is that she’s always alive in your memories, forever. You’re strong and brave, and I’m sure you are just like her. The fact that you write so purely is lovely. Lots of love xx.

    Raindrops of Sapphire

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:37

      You make me cry too. I can’t thank you enough for the love you sent me, your words, your kindness, this empathy… Sometimes I just hope to go to that holiday with them, and just reading this kind of words make me feel better and more positive. Big big thank you, with all my heart. Wish you the best❤️ xx

  • Reply
    mahryska
    23 November 2017 at 9:35

    such a beautiful post hun..sending over love.
    kisses from the sandpit ❤︎

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:28

      Thank you❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Nicholas
    23 November 2017 at 8:48

    È molto toccante ciò che hai scritto! Perdere una madre sicuramente non è semplice da affrontare. Sono certo che lei da lassù ti guarda e sarò estremamente fiera di te.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:27

      Ti ringrazio❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Valentina
    22 November 2017 at 22:16

    Non ci sono parole per descrivere certe emozioni..
    Come ti ho già detto più volte, sono certa che la tua mamma guiderà sempre il tuo cammino ♥️

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:27

      Ti ringrazio di cuore❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Face to Curls
    22 November 2017 at 17:57

    This was so beautiful! I’m sorry to hear about your Mom hun. xoxo

    Ann-Marie |

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:26

      ❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Sara
    22 November 2017 at 17:38

    Un post davvero commovente! Mi dispiace tanto per ciò che è successo, ma trovo quel tatuaggio un bellissimo modo per avere la tua mamma vicina.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:25

      Grazie❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Gabrielle
    22 November 2017 at 17:03

    Gosh, this is so moving. I can only imagine how you must feel, but without a doubt in my mind I’m certain your mum would be proud of you. Very, very proud! The way you describe how you live with her still in your heart and even your name, truly does speak volumes. I’m completely in awe of your strength right now. Treat yourself with plenty of care xxxxx

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:25

      You can’t imagine how much good did your words to me. Thank you for your time, your positive vibes, your love. It’s so much important to me, I needed it so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Alyssa
    21 November 2017 at 11:40

    That tattoo looks really amazing 🙂

    xx Alyssa

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:12

      Thank you❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Jalisa
    20 November 2017 at 23:12

    What an incredibly beautiful poem, I’m so sorry for what your mom had to go through, I’m can only imagine how hard it’s been. Thanks for opening up and sharing with us, beautiful. Sending much love your way.

    XO,

    Jalisa

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:11

      Thank you so much for reading, for your time, for your words. It means the world to me❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Mariann Yip
    20 November 2017 at 21:25

    This was so emotional and beautiful! I’m sure your mother is hearing your prayers from heaven.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:10

      Thank you so much, really so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Dominique
    20 November 2017 at 20:59

    I love these tattoos, they are so gorgeous and have such great meaning! xx

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:09

      Thank you❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Unadonnaalcontrario
    20 November 2017 at 17:22

    Cara, ma come si fa a commentare questo post. Ho le lacrime agli occhi e no, non posso dire di capirti, anche se ho avuto delle perdite importanti, molto, anche io. Ti posso solo mandare un abbraccio. Anch’io credo che prima o poi tutti ci ritroviamo, sotto altri ruoli, altri corpi, ma ci ritroviamo. Senz’altro

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 19:09

      L’empatia è una delle cose che più aiuta e permette la scelta delle parole più giuste. Ti ringrazio tanto per la tua costante vicinanza❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Priscilla
    20 November 2017 at 13:38

    Lovely!

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:59

      ❤️

  • Reply
    Sonia
    20 November 2017 at 11:10

    E indubbiamente uno dei post più belli che abbia mai letto in vita mia. Posso solo dirti che deve essere fiera di te.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:59

      Ti ringrazio infinitamente e con tutto il cuore❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Vincenzo Di Somma
    20 November 2017 at 10:14

    Deve essere un emozione unica.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:26

      ❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Curl'S.
    20 November 2017 at 9:20

    In certi casi non si sa mai cosa dire, ogni parola sembra sbagliata o banale. Io però mi sento di dirti che non c’è pericolo che tu la dimentichi perchè credo che il suo ricordo, la sua persona, facciano parte di te e ogni giorn insieme a te crescono e si sviluppano. Dal tuo nome al tatuaggio, ogni cosa è talmente unica e infusa d’amore che non è possibile dimenticarsene, e questo a lungo andare diventerà la tua forza ❤

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:26

      Non so quanto immensamente e sinceramente ringraziarti per queste parole, sono anche queste a darmi forza e farmi un bene enorme, credimi❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Amanda
    20 November 2017 at 2:43

    This was a very sweet and heartfelt post! Sorry about your mother.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:24

      Thank you so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Radi
    20 November 2017 at 2:25

    So sorry about your loss. Just remember she’ll always be with you no matter what.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:24

      Thank you so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Andressa
    20 November 2017 at 0:02

    Beautiful and clean

    • Reply
      dasynka
      23 November 2017 at 18:23

      Thanks, xx

  • Reply
    Susie @ Mile High Dreamers
    19 November 2017 at 22:39

    “I hope to become exactly like you.” This was so beautiful Dasynka. I can’t imagine what this loss feels like, but I do know your mother would be so proud of you. For the way you write, the experiences you live, and the messages you share with the world. You’re amazing, and I’m sure your mom is a big part of why that is. Keep doing what you’re doing beautiful lady, you’re your mom’s legacy.

    Susie |

    • Reply
      dasynka
      21 November 2017 at 13:12

      Your words actually made me cry❤️ can’t describe how much I thank you, for reading, for writing me, for you sensibility and empathy❤️ thank you from the bottom of my heart❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Izabela
    19 November 2017 at 22:01

    This is very touching. I’m very sorry to hear about your mum.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      21 November 2017 at 13:09

      Thank you so much for reading❤️ xx

  • Reply
    the adventurer
    19 November 2017 at 22:00

    I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I love your tattoo and how much it symbolizes. You will always have your mom close by =o)

    • Reply
      dasynka
      21 November 2017 at 13:09

      Thank you so much for reading❤️ xx

  • Reply
    E.
    19 November 2017 at 21:01

    Wow, I felt a bit emotional right now. So beautiful and intense words. I am sad about you but happy about what a beautiful creation and text you did.
    Kisses,
    E.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      21 November 2017 at 13:08

      Thank you for reading❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Katherine
    19 November 2017 at 20:23

    I’m so sorry about your loss. This was beautifully written and I love the meaning behind the tattoo.

    • Reply
      dasynka
      21 November 2017 at 13:08

      Thank you so much for reading❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Claudia G
    19 November 2017 at 17:21

    Me encanta el post, me parece super original! Además las fotos son una pasada, definitivamente me quedaré por aquí. Sigue así 🙂

    • Reply
      dasynka
      19 November 2017 at 19:48

      Thanks, xx

  • Reply
    Martina
    19 November 2017 at 11:28

    Ho letto e riletto il tuo post, davvero toccante tesoro!
    Bellissimo il tatuaggio che hai fatto per ricordare la tua mamma, mi hai fatto piangere…
    Un abbraccio,
    Martina

    • Reply
      dasynka
      19 November 2017 at 12:49

      Ti ringrazio profondamente per esserti fermata a leggere -e rileggere. Vale molto per me ❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Kiri
    18 November 2017 at 21:20

    I never really say this – because I am not a big fan of tattoos myself – but that tattoo is really really stylish.
    And since it symbolised such powerful memories it must be very important to you.
    Kiri
    Set to Glow

    • Reply
      dasynka
      19 November 2017 at 10:57

      I approciate this so much, thank you❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Diana
    18 November 2017 at 15:56

    This was very touching, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I cannot imagine experiencing a loss like this and what you must feel, but she will always be with you. That tattoo is such a deep and lovely reminder and memory to have. This was beautifully written, I wish you all the best xx

    • Reply
      dasynka
      18 November 2017 at 18:17

      Can’t descrive you how much I approciate your words, thank you so much❤️ xx

  • Reply
    Ania
    18 November 2017 at 13:12

    Wow! It’s beautiful dear 🙂

    • Reply
      dasynka
      18 November 2017 at 18:16

      Thanks, xx

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