Anastasia has always told a story that I felt was mine.
Maybe cause Mom’s origins come from there; perhaps cause those customs, those habits, those ballets at the theater, that “Dasvidanya”, the story of the Russian Tsars, have always told me much more of that they were.
Maybe I see a little about myself in that search for one’s origins, for all the things that were told to me as a child but I hardly remember, like dreams.
Of awareness that I don’t know where they originate from.
Of that fear of forgetting.
Things I yearn to remember of a story that belongs to me but so far away. Looks like another life.
I have memories of those trips abroad, as a child, to my grandmother’s house, that red carpet that is still there, those theater shows, those flavors so similar to smells, those musics so different and new, those painted porcelain, that language I spoke combining Russian and Italian together with the innocence of a little girl who just wanted to make herself understood.
I grew up in the lap of Italian culture with Russian breast milk, between different traditions yet so complementary that they seem to belong to a single story. The one we ourselves build and tell every day with our lives, our dreams, beauties and beliefs.
I feel part of that world – of dreams – of Anastasia, with the same feeling of having missed part of what was there my life – and of Mom.
I took what I had in my closet, two old photographs as background (of places I saw with my parents), some graphic fantasy and emotion to dress the little Anastasia in me, at this 2020 Carnival.
A photograph taken in my room and 10 hours of editing (the time-lapse video at the end of the article).
But I’d never imagined all the affection I received on Instagram.
The comments, the shares, the DMs.. I was overwhelmed by love, it took me two days to be able to respond to everyone with the right attention, stopping every now and then to breathe, re-adjust, to always look for new words to express all the gratitude I was full of.
I got hit by a wave of emotions.
I‘ve never experienced such a thing.
Realizing that something so emotionally important to me, was perceived with the same intensity through a screen, through an image, left me speechless.
You’ve been able to perceive so much, to empathize so much with me, it’s insane. I haven’t fully focused on it yet.
You have a sensitivity that I didn’t think possible.
I’d like to be able to give you back everything you have given me cause it has been so much, I am infinitely grateful to you.
I somehow wanted to grab the song someone sings, and keep something. Things I almost remember.
This is for me.
This is for my family.
And this, this is also for you.
Anastasia ha sempre raccontato una storia che sentivo mia.
Forse perchè le origini di Mamma vengono da li; forse perchè quei costumi, quelle usanze, quei balletti a teatro, quel “Dasvidanya”, la storia degli zar di Russia, mi hanno sempre raccontato più quanto fossero.
Forse ci vedo un po’ di me in quella ricerca delle proprie origini, di tutte le cose che mi sono state raccontate da piccola ma ricordo appena, come sogni.
Di cosapevolezze che non so da cosa abbiano origine.
Di quella paura di dimenticare.
Ho come un ricordo di sempre di una storia che mi appartiene ma così lontana. Sembra di un’altra vita.
Ho i ricordi di quei viaggi all’estero, da piccola, a casa della nonna, quella moquette rossa che è ancora lì, quegli spettacoli a teatro, quei sapori così simili ad odori, quelle musiche tanto diverse e nuove, quelle porcellane dipinte, quella lingua che parlavo coniugando insieme russo e italiano con l’innocenza di una bimbetta che voleva solo farsi capire.
Sono cresciuta in grembo alla cultura italiana con latte materno russo, tra tradizioni differenti eppure così complementari da sembrare appartenenti ad un’unica storia. Quella che noi stessi costruiamo e raccontiamo ogni giorno con le nostre vite, i nostri sogni, le bellezze e le convinzioni.
Sento di esser parte di quel mondo – di sogni – di Anastasia, con la stessa sensazione di aver mancato parte di quella che è stata lì la vita mia – e di Mamma.
Così ho preso ció che avevo nell’armadio, due mie vecchie fotografie per lo sfondo (di posti visitati con i miei), un po’ di fantasia grafica e di emozione per vestire la piccola Anastasia che è in me, a questo Carnevale 2020.
Una fotografia scattata in camera e 10 ore di editing (vi lascio il video in time-lapse sotto).
Ma non avrei mai immaginato tutto l’affetto che ho ricevuto su Instagram.
I commenti, le condivisioni, i DM.. sono stata sopraffatta dall’amore, ho impiegato due giorni per riuscire a rispondere a tutti con la giusta attenzione, fermandomi ogni tanto a respirare, riassestarmi, a cercare parole sempre nuove per esprimere tutta la gratitudine di cui ero ricolma.
Sono stata travolta da un’onda di emozioni.
Non ho mai fatto esperienza di una cosa del genere.
Rendermi conto che una cosa così emotivamente importante per me, sia stata percepita con la stessa intensità attraverso uno schermo, attraverso un’immagine, mi ha lasciata senza parole.
Siete stati in grado percepire così tanto, di empatizzare così tanto con me, è assurdo. Non l’ho ancora messo del tutto a fuoco.
Avete una sensibilità che non credevo possibile.
Vorrei riuscire a ridarvi tutto quello che mi avete dato perché è stato tantissimo, ve ne sono infinitamente grata.
Volevo in qualche modo afferrare il canto che vola via, e tenerne qualcosa. Il ricordo di sempre.
Questo è per me.
Questo è per la mia famiglia.
E questo, questo è anche per voi.
Photography Carmela.vix, www.carmelavicedomini.it
Both photos turned out beautiful! You’re really talented at editing. I have actually never seen Anastasia before, but this has made me want to give it a watch.
Oh you definitely should watch it! But thank you so much 🙂 xx
You recreated this character so perfectly- it’s clear that she resonates with you!
Thank you, thank you so much❤ xx
Believe it or not, I’ve never seen Anastasia. Reading the feelings it evoked in you makes me want to see it now, though. Your photo is just gorgeous and I love seeing how you edited it – it turned out so amazing!
Thank you so much! You definitely need to see the movie, it’s so beautifully done and so empowering, much time before any other Disney princess did. xx
These pictures look amazing darling.
Thank you, xx
Oh my gosh, your photoshop skills are amazing! And your cosplay is amazing!
I’m pretty much self-taught so thank you so much! xx
This is amazing! I loved the movie when I was younger and I totally thought this was some professional poster! You did such a good job!
Omg thank you so much! I didn’t know how much this movie was loved before sharing this on Instagram 🙂 xx
What an awesome experience! The photographs look fantastic x
Thank you so much! 🙂 xx
Wow such an amazing cosplay here. I’m so impressed !
I used to watch Anastasia a lot when I was a kid I love this animation movie.
Me too, I always loved so much, I used to see it on the old videotape and still have it 🙂 thank you so much! xx
Wow you look beautiful, what a stunning photo shoot and the architecture looks incredible xo
I was so lucky to find these background pictures inside my harddisk from years ago. Thank you so much btw! xx
What a great set of photos! you did a wonderful job with the editing on these! 🙂 I wish I was talented enough to do this!
Hope that you had a lovely weekend 🙂 We had a quiet one at home.
Thank you so much, I’m pretty much self learner so everyone can go far with practice 🙂 I had a quiet Carnival too, editing this image actually lol ❤ xx
These are all amazing shots! You look fabulous.
Thank you so much xx
This was a lovely read, those edits are incredible! x
Thank you so much! xx
wow totally love this photoshoot! you did a great styling and edit
Thank you so so much! xx
What a pretty photoshoot! I love Anastasia’s story and the animated movie was one of my favorites when I was a child!
Same! I used to watch the movie on the videotape and still have it 🙂 thank you so much xx
These pictures came out so beautifully! I am so proud of your for creating such an amazing work of art. I loved watching your time lapse video because it showed how careful you were about making every detail perfection. I think it is so special that you were able to remember your mom in this way. I really love that movie too!
Oh Jill thank you so much for the support and the kindness of your words, you are always so careful with me ❤ xx
This is such an amazing edit, I am very impressed! I would have never been able to tell – I was thinking how lucky you were to do a photoshoot in such beautiful surroundings! Well well done – so gorgeous!
Thank you so much! I’m so happy it looks real! Cause I can see all the defects of the edit hahah xx
Great post 😀 love it.
Ah love this look and how you recreated this! You look great 🙂
Thank you so much! xx
This is so cool and you look amazing with your Anastasia cosplay!! I think it’s interesting how you have both Italian and Russian culture in you, it’s important to embrace both. I feel you seamlessly fit yourself into the background, it’s so perfect!
Thank you so much for your feedback, I’m so glad you appreciate the result, it was the first time me trying an edit like this. xx