It’s my first bday without mom. Indeed it’s the third year that I spend the day of my birthday without seeing her (two years ago I was in London, last year in the house where I was living to work). Perhaps a nice way of life for me to get used to the idea that from this year I’ll not receive even more her wishes.
Anyway there is my sister to make up for all the love and attention that you might want in an important day like this. Continue Reading
How often we tend to judge without understanding. And to understand I don’t mean just understand lunge a situation before passing judgment, I mean understand the people.
I intend to understand the steel, before judging it cold.
You may not know that wood and steel have, in reality, the same internal temperature.
The same temperature.
Yet we perceive the cold steel to touch. The truth is that we feel the cold of our own body private of heat.
The steel has high thermal conductivity, which is why it absorbs quickly our heat, leaving us cold fingers.
Isn’t crazy the way everything changes direction?
We should feel the sense of guilt for having defined cold something that is actually in perfect temperature, but if annoyed -touched- it takes the heat of a hug. We who have touched him, not vice versa. Our fault.
In fact it is clear: these are our fingers to become cold and not the steel to heat up, so it should be intuitive that we who are become cold, and not steel.
But the human mind has a tendency to point the finger, before making any assessment of self-criticism.
The direct consequence is the expression of wrong judgments, the indirect result is the conditioning of thought of other third parties and the formulation of more hasty judgments. And to follow.
When will we learn honesty and transparency? Above all, the objective self-criticism. Continue Reading
These days are less present cause I’m doing cleaning in my life, in my house and in my head.
Letting go of old things is a catharsis of profound change.
Since mom’s gone, every day off becomes an opportunity to review all the things stored and delayed in many years.
Many memories. And how many laughs. My sister and I try to laugh, make fun of mom and her funny fixations. It’s an immersion in the past life, the most important and formative chapter of our lives and we are trying to make it as light and fun as possible. It’s never easy.
But we have to take life lightly and simply live it. Continue Reading
Carnival will always remain in the tradition of my life a day to celebrate. Because existence is contained in all these happy moments.
No excuse is too trivial that it can’t make otherwise ordinary day or so unconvincingly not to be celebrated. Carnival is just an excuse to forget ourselves under the clothes of someone else.
This year I chose Elsa.
Cause Frozen reminds me of an innocent time when I had a different belief on what would have been my life, and because I remember the evening at Disneyland when, illuminating the castle, sounded “Let it go“. Chills and memories. Too many memories.
And because this film is about what was my growing relationship with my sister, everyone I know have always identified us with Elsa and Anna. They are saved without the need for any prince. Each maturing in one’s love. It was exactly how we saved us, by the loss of mom. It’s ourselves, become a little orphan in the world and responsible for our lives, of our strong relationship.
I couldn’t be more proud of my sister, and of the spiritual maturity that she has shown me in these months, of the love which has filled our home in those weeks. Continue Reading
There are those nights when you realize, with the clarity of the midday sun, that you no longer have a -that it’s a- certainty.
That whole stream of life that you has inside is dried in the sun of disenchantment.
That you don’t remember what is the drawer of dreams, open them all and only white sheets.
That emotions were overflowed by the rupture of a dam built of many values and experiences and hardships, and in you persists only apathy, absolute emptiness, you are a vegetable that there, in front of yourself don’t understand what sense has all this -opened the eyes- and placed before the harsh life -injustice of built gestures- don’t understand how you managed to fall prey to this deception of the soul mechanism that twists and distorts the existence behind implicit laws educated.
That to live is a verb without the sense of a direct object. Certainty that “what purpose does it serve to breathe?” seems the unanswered question more insightful that has ever placed.
It’s like a charm that as long as you’ve got it nothing seems to bring you down, also a quarrel is soon overcome, also the winter heated, also boredom gratifyingly.
But it happens – and increasingly – that this veil falls, and are you naked in front of the bare life, only embarrassment, only disgust, only contempt, only embarrassment, only disgust, only contempt, only the desire to run away, raise the veil, throw dust of hope in the eyes, dream again. Continue Reading
The glass could be a metaphor for any aspect of human, world, life.
Because all in the world is an integrity of parts, has been a smooth glass before the stone that crush it in pain, awareness, maturation and changes. There is no thing or aspect of the world that isn’t path and distorted, that doesn’t pass the stage of the first in the later, which face an inhuman struggle to be together and that seems almost normal, then, that those pieces are still together even though they are all separate -line confine- from each other and there is no glue to hold them together but only the will or maybe tiredness, almost pretending nothing happened yet there is no longer an entire image but many to form one, even though at that point you don’t care over the whole image because you’re wondering how it can stand up, how it can simulate transparency, a cobweb of upheavals that respond to the verb grow, then that is synonymous with change and contrary to die. And all you cando is look for the strength to resist. Continue Reading
I’m of the idea that life should be sought in the beauty. That everything is a projection of our mind: as much beauty we have inside so much more we perceive. The more we seek beauty around us, the more beautiful will our lives. It’s a reflective mirror, the beauty. It’s something that invests and clothe, is something that exists in anything, like the positive side. But you have to have the right lenses to see it. The beauty results in amazement, then wonder, finally, thrill. It’s always the emotion the ultimate goal, for me. I weight the quality of life in emotions – astonishment, enchantment. A logic that leads easily to the definition that we are then those responsible for our existence.
Life is a shit. And we can do nothing to change it. Change what’s out there. But we can change our perception of it. And make that piece of life that comes into our existence as beautiful as possible.
I’m an esthete.
Falling in love with details, colors, of situations is my way to move me to live. Live good, I mean.
Utopias don’t help. I think that what saves is to maintain a child’s ability of wonder without experience. Without preconceptions, no expectations or demands. This is the real blessing. Children don’t have any expectations, there is no world they know, and everything they see is new and surprise and astonishment and then joy.
Don’t expect anything, and let yourself be surprised by any particular, distraction of life that leaning a second, turned into novelties also a flower already seen, love the lovable and forget everything else. Happy life to come. Continue Reading
This year I haven’t felt Christmas so much. It seemed to me like a fleeting sunbeam, even have time to warm me. Totally understandable.
Indeed that ray has had time to lighten some Christmas energy. I tried in every way to deceive myself with small Christmas habits: baking cookies, watching movies all day, sweet to give me to death, playing and laughing so much.
For me Christmas is genuine joy (here), and the tradition of gifts is essential. This year I made two advent calendars and I received the same, packed more gifts than usual, and discarded many packets. I’m really lucky to have so many people who want to see me happy.
Under the tree I also wrapped gift I had bought for Mom in Amsterdam, a book with all the works of her favorite painter: Van Gogh.
Beyond the consumerism and duty, giving it’s a strong emotion, more than to receive. It’s a way of loving.
Have in your mind a person with intent to surprise her, to excite him/her. And in receiving the more moves is the knowledge that someone has had us in its mind with the intention to surprise, excite us.
Could be this our attitude toward life: surprise it. And in doing so it surprises us. It would be a continuous fill with joy. Continue Reading